He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
