Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
