Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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