you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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