Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
