I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
