Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
