Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
