In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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