i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
