Soap is not a condiment
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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