Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
