Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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