The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
