Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
