So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
