i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
