just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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