I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
