i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
