I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
