ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
