she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
