I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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