just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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