yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
