Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
