I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
