OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
