I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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