I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your cock deserves a montage
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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