You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
