I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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