I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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