shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
