It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
