My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How external is "for external use only"?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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