The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
