True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
