Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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