his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
