The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
