Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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