is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
