I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
