I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
