Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
