Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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