I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
