i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
