I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
