just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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